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Joke of the Day

"Non-native English speakers, try to literally translate jokes from your own language We might get some weird/funny stuff"

"Her: *puts cherry stem in mouth *pulls it out with a knot *winks Him: *puts earbuds in pocket *pulls it out with 5 knots *doesn't get laid"

"Pick out a dog at an animal shelter and everything's ok. Pick out a girlfriend at a woman's shelter and everyone loses their mind."

"What do you call a snarky criminal walking down stairs? A condescending con descending."

"Fun things to do pt 1 When you're stuck in traffic and some guy revs up his engine just yell out ""alright we get it you have a small penis"""

"If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable."

"[office] BUSINESS SNAKE: [dictating a letter] SECRETARY: [just hammering the S key]"

"What do you call it when a doctor has sex with a quarantined patient? Sick Fuck."

"I'm going to skip home tonight because sometimes life is seriously brilliant. *throws confetti*"

"Tweeting this from the bathroom because it's the 21st century and that's what we do now."