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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a snarky criminal walking down stairs? A condescending con descending."

"I love my wife My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today. ""Really!"" I exclaimed. ""No,"" She said, ""April Foogargagggrraggggle."" That'll teach her to try and be funny..."

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying...It seemed pretty important to him that I have it, I'll cherish it always. edit: grammar"

"Kinda scared for 2017 Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more"

"Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that..."

"What does the calm zombie say to the agitated zombie? Decompose yourself."

"A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, ""why the long face?"" & the horse says, ""why the English Lit degree?"""

"What do an anorexic person and Sonic the Hedgehog have in common? They both gotta go fast."

"A man walks into a bar and asks for a Jack & Coke The bartender asks, ""Is Pepsi fine?"" The man says yes. The bartender then pours Pepsi & Coke in a glass."

"Why do they call your dick ""Robin Hood?"" Cuz I'm a girl stealer and I still have my foreskin ;)"