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Joke of the Day

"If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable."

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"My husband is half Mexican half Polish. Last week he stole his own hubcaps."
"My girlfriend just texted me this: Babe,myspacebarisbroken.IneedanalternativeASAP! Anybody know what 'ternative' means?"
"What is ye difference between a porcupine and a porsche? The pricks are in the inside of the Porsche."
"The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight."
"What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common? They both thought ""my Mom's gonna kill me."""
"Which Fruit Can't Get Married??"
"My negotiating strategy is to make a skeptical face for one second then pay what the other person asked."
"Boy in the hospital, dying of cancer and grandma misplaces her glasses at the store and buys the first card she finds ""Get Good Soon"" [8]"
"What do you call a root beer in a square glass? Beer"