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Joke of the Day
"I'm going to skip home tonight because sometimes life is seriously brilliant. *throws confetti*"
Next Joke
"Beginning Magic by Beatrix Star"
"A Roman walks into a bar.... A roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. ""5 pints please."""
"Just bought a new phone, it's helping me with weight loss I don't have money to eat anything for 2 months."
"SpaceX won't be drinking Champagne tonight. Every time they pop the cork it ends up back where it started..."
"When Martin Cooper invened the cell phone... ... he already got 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris."
"When life hands you a komodo dragon suddenly the times you got lemons seem pretty cool."
"Am I too fat? Wife: I too fat to be a personal trainer? Me: No honey you just need to lose weight."
"Just saw the hood of my jacket out of the corner of my eye and jumped out of the way, in case the Navy SEALS are hiring."
"People who shave their heads... I think people who shave their heads are really just saying, ""I want a bigger forehead."""