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Joke of the Day

"Tweeting this from the bathroom because it's the 21st century and that's what we do now."

"""I think I have ADHD, doc"" why? ""I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford"" that's not- ""yeah I keep losing my Focus"" get out of my office"

"Why did they fire the contract lawyer with lazy eye? He was always dotting his T's and crossing his I's. (I made up this joke myself)"

"How is a 9 Volt Battery similar to an Anus? You know you shouldn't, but eventually you're gunna lick it."

"Tonight I realized that I gaze at cheese in much the same way that first time mothers gaze at their newborns"

"What is the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? A Ritz is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker"

"Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed."

"What do you call a fat alcoholic? A heavy drinker."

"While falling down an enclosed space that leads to the laundry room, two heterosexual cats hugged eachother in love embracing themselves before their death. It was CHUTE!"

"children in the back seat cause accidents accidents in the back seat cause children"