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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the tropical birds who got stuck together? Well I won't explain now, it's toucan fusing."

"What's the difference between a nail and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang a painting."

"This subreddit is literally full of Ellen Pao right now. Here's what I have to say about it [removed]"

"Reddit is really a green community. considering all the recycled content on here. [](http://ftgtvgbyhnjkmjnhbgvfgbybhjnkmnhbg.com)"

"Met a cute guy at the gym we like all the same movies and he loved my shoes. We have a movie date tonight and he's bringing his boyfriend."

"The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent."

"Q: What do you call a truckload of vibrators? A: Toys for Twats."

"I earned a masters degree and a doctorate; I have $413.21 in assets. Weird Al Yankovic is worth 11 million. Kids, don't stay in school."

"Two Jewish women are on a bench One turns to the other and says ""meh"" The other responds ""eh"" The first one replies ""but enough about the children"""

"""Daddy, tell me again about how you wasted time before Twitter existed?"" ""Well son, we used to look at clouds & pretend they were animals."""