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Joke of the Day

"Why does Trump love babies. Because one day when they are old enough, he'll either Fire em or Fuck em."

"50 cent filed for bankruptcy... That makes no cents."

"[police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a grey Me: ... My dog: like a light grey. If that helps"

"How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card???"

"Two antennas met on a roof... they fell in love, and decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was excellent."

"Never try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."

"Looking at cows in a field, how can you tell which one's on holiday? It's the one with the wee calf. (Think Scottish)"

"My wife cried when I bought her a car... It was a Saab."

"As a straight male, there has always been something about the gay community that blows my mind. They give the best fucking head!"

"Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family."