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Joke of the Day

"I quit my job so I had time to file my income tax That's the joke"

"What does a fish say when it swims into a concrete wall? Dam!"

"Why isn't the speed of light Asian? Because it never gets better than a 'C'."

"Little Timmy and Little Jimmy saw a Quarter in the Road. . . Little Timmy rushed out to grab it, and got hit by a truck. Little Jimmy laughed cause he knew it was a nickel."

"Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists? They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. [explanation](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slit_experiment)"

"[on a speed date] (okay don't let her know you're a zombie) ""so, what do you like best in a woman?"" BRAAAIIINNNSS"

"What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses ""Dancing With the Stars""? ""I was robbed"" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself."

"I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars"

"""Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair."" -actual message from my mom"