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Joke of the Day

"God said unto John... ""John if you come fourth you shall receive eternal life!"" But John came fifth and won a toaster"

"What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin"

"Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?"

"Why did the wee duck hide in the cupboard and give the other wee fuck a fright? For the quak"

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year."

"Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo."

"I peeled off the sticker that said ""Don't consume alcohol while on medication."" I don't need that kind of negativity in my life."

"Whats better then a gold medal in the special Olympics? Not being retarded."

"The ultimate catch-22. My boss said I need to improve my work ethic. I told him I'd work on it."

"Steve Jobs will be back He's an Android afterall."