32095
Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway."
Next Joke
"Two Drums and a Cymbal fall off a ledge... ba-dum chsh!"
"[gets out of tanning bed with a grilled cheese sandwich]"
"A man asks his friend, ""What would you do if we only had 24 hours before the end of the world?"" ""I would fuck everything that moves"", his friend says. ""What would you do?"" ""I wouldn't move."""
"The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts."
"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."
"I lost 15 pounds so far, another 15 to go, but... I do not want to get circumsized"
"The way my dog maintains eye contact while taking a dump is unsettling. Can't he read a magazine like a normal dog?"
"What's Paul Walker's favorite energy drink??? N.O.S. too bad he can't handle the crash..."
"Jared gives a new meaning to ""Eat Fresh!"" How ""Fresh"" we talkin?"