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Joke of the Day

"[gets out of tanning bed with a grilled cheese sandwich]"

"If I got 1$ for every failed math exam... I'd have $ 10.30 now."

"~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want"

"Whats the difference between a fridge and a vagina? A fridge doesn't fart when you get the meat out."

"Just Admit it Your biggest lie was & still is : ""I have read and agrees\d to the terms of service."""

"I wouldn't say I never exercise. Occasionally, my nose runs."

"Oh, a BEAR hug. *starts putting clothes back on*"

"My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn't invent it. Anyway, that's what brings me to the ER."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? he woke up"

"I recently opened a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats Prophets are going through the roof"