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Joke of the Day

"The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts."

"I like my coffee the same way I like my slaves.... Free."

"I am not a racist (Nsfw) Racism is a crime, crime is for black people. I don't mean to hurt anyones feelings! A coworker just told me this."

"If you're attacked by a mob of clowns, what should you go for? The juggler"

"Wife's Dream! Wife: ""In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."" Husband: ""I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."""

"i was one of the palm trees waving around in the background of every 16 bit game in the 90's so yes random guy you do know me from somewhere"

"Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar. . . . . .and orders a beer. When he finishes is, the barkeep asks ""Have another?"" Descartes replies ""I think not."" . . .and POOF. He vanishes."

"I kept getting my shin badly grazed by the pedal of my bike when I was was a kid, that was one vicious cycle."

"I went to see an evening of vegetables doing stand-up last night. It wasn't to my taste though - too many crudites"