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Joke of the Day

"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."

"Kid: ""Mom, am I ugly?"" *Mom:* ""I told you not to call me mom in public."""

"Can't stop thinking about really disturbing things today, like what if they had called him Illinois Jones."

"A french pastry was stalking me this morning I felt really creped out"

"A man goes into a bakery and says, ""I'll have 99 rolls."" Says the lady behind the counter: ""Why don't you take 100, then you have one more."" ""But who's gonna eat all those rolls?"""

"Why did Steph Curry cross the road? Because he wasn't far enough from the 3pt line to take the shot."

"Physics joke Yo mama so fat she has a spin of 2"

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, But you'll have to find a really big lightbulb to fit them in there."

"NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression"

"I recently came into a large sum of money Now all the bills are sticking together"