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Joke of the Day
"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house? A right a right a right"
Next Joke
"How to make friends: Put your clothes on backwards so people don't notice you walking up to them."
"What's the difference between a Syrian school and a terrorist camp? I don't know, I'm just flying the drone"
"Where did the salami go on holiday? Costa Deli-Sol"
"I got a boner at a funeral today... It was mourning wood"
"If you're drinking a Starbucks coffee while complaining about paying $4.20 a gallon for gas, you should have your license revoked."
"I like my men how I like my coffee. Sweet."
"ME: What an emotional roller coaster ROLLER COASTER: [calling out to me as I exit the park] Why are you leaving??!! Is it something I said?"
"Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers."
"Me: ""people always think I'm gay! Do I put off a gay vibe?"" Guy whose back I'm massaging in a bubble bath: ""maybe a little"""