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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""people always think I'm gay! Do I put off a gay vibe?"" Guy whose back I'm massaging in a bubble bath: ""maybe a little"""

"Best Boss to Employee Convo Boss: Have you typed the paper I needed yet? Employee: I'm sorry, I don't know how to type paper. Boss: I'll help you, but the paper might be pink."

"A boy sat on a train chewing gum and staring vacantly into space when suddenly an old woman sitting opposite said 'It's no good you talking to me young man I'm stone deaf !'"

"Why does Bear Grylls love Bud Light? It's sterile and he likes the taste."

"I often call my stepson a ""bitch"" and my stepdaughter a ""dickhead"" to show them the importance of gender equality."

"Nostradamus's childhood Kid Nostradamus asks his mom: ""Mom, what's for dinner?"" ""Like you don't know, you little prick!"""

"Saw a sticker that said ""my son was an honor student"". I almost got sad, but then I thought maybe he's not dead, maybe he's just stupid now"

"""What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?"" ""He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."""

"Where does a snowman keep his money? In the snowbank. I'll see myself out.."

"Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*"