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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between white time and black time (Warning. Dad joke) The size of their clock."

"when I die I want you to save my skull and use me as a paperweight (and kiss me when no one is looking)"

"I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly this dick in your mom's mouth"

"Having sex in a bunch of python compilation errors It's fucking *indents*"

"Have you heard about the Italian chef that recently died? Yeah, he pasta way."

"I always bring 2 pop tarts to work, so I can eat one now and the other one also now."

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar... The bartender says ""Why the long face?"""

"I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?"

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] ""No, no his nose was a bit more avant-garde than that. His eyes suggested he'd lost a ladder."""