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Joke of the Day

"A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior."

"I had mostly good days in school until.... PrinciPao was hired. Now it just feels like I'm being told what I can and cannot do."

"Whoa I'm floating! Am I...dead? ""No it's a dream"" What a relief! Wait. Who said that? Grim Reaper: (mutters) shit Uh nobody go back to sleep"

"I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally."

"""Daddy, how do stars die?"" ""Drugs, normally."""

"You can't ban me from your neighborhood just because I ""look scary"" and ""want to kill you."" That's discrimination."

"Couldn't get to the gym and gained a bit of belly fat this semester... I just had too much on my plate."

"How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything."

"Mandela dead at 95. Respect. That's 5mph faster than Paul Walker."

"What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get? Gwyneth Paltrow's head."