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Joke of the Day

"Whoa I'm floating! Am I...dead? ""No it's a dream"" What a relief! Wait. Who said that? Grim Reaper: (mutters) shit Uh nobody go back to sleep"

"What did Elmo take before he left the tickle factory? Two test tickles"

"What does an octopus have ten of? Tickles..."

"[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] ""why isn't he wearing a shirt"" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote"

"The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor."

"It's ironic how the Segway-driving chinese cameraman plowed into the fastest man alive... ...because he ran into a bolt."

"To the ""Remain"" crowd in Britain... come to Canada! Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow."

"Daddy? What is a tranny? Ask your mother. He knows."

"A man goes for his first prostate exam ""I am sorry doctor, but where can I leave my pants?"" ""Right there where I left mine"" - the doctor says"

"""Relax. It's not a competition."" ""Right. That's what I say."" ""But I said it first."""