31646

Joke of the Day

"Changed Grandma's email signature to ""Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!"""

"I went to the zoo... I went to the zoo yesterday and I was disappointed to see the only animal they had was a single dog. It's a shih tzu."

"*smacks you with my coloring book* Wow. These coloring books really do work to relieve stress."

"Life is like a box if chocholates. It's full of nuts and you only enjoy some of it."

"Does the 5-second rule still apply in the Men's bathroom at Target? I'm pretty commited to this pretzel, if it matters."

"Time to get in my wheel box to go to my work box so I can pay for my home box until I'm ready for my death box."

"What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block."

"Married people always ask when you're getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery."

"Judge: Did you commit murder? Me: I'm a man. I'm afraid of commitment. Judge: hahaha! Me: hahaha! Judge: Life."

"The Parachuteless Dave Michael: Dave is so brave! He jumped out of a plane without a parachute! John: Ohh is it true? Where did you get the news? Michael: From his funeral."