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Joke of the Day

"Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he only uses the finest ingredients."

"""If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus."" What I actually said: ""Yes, Claire, you're makeup looks lovely today!"""

"A lady cut me off... The other day a lady cut me off who was texting while driving. I got so mad at her I pulled up beside her and threw my beer can at her."

"What is a math teacher's favorite kind of toilet paper? The kind that has multi ply's."

"Did you hear about the heroin addict who accidentally injected food coloring? They say he dyed in vein."

"I just found out Nicki Minaj isn't animated!"

"What's the difference between ELI5 and AskScience? About 3 replies in the top comment thread."

"What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty."

"What is the plural of manatee? Menatee"

"FRIEND: hey while I'm on vacation can you come over and feed the cat? ME: FRIEND: ME: to what?"