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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'll take another drink. Bartender: Would you like for me to call you a cab sir? Me: No it's cool he's driving * points at chair*"

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"What do you call an extraterrestrial cetacean? A Whalien."
"What's Medusa's favorite type of cheese? *Gorgon*zola"
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 189,463 times, you're the editor of HuffPo."
"What do robots eat? A bit of this and a byte of that. Courtesy of /u/DabsyGalore here http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1dnslv/i_made_a_working_rollercoaster_using_only_canned/c9s630i"
"Why were the mountain climber's parents disappointed in him? He was always high! ^(I'm sorry)"
"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""
"Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay? Because they make cents!"
"My friend Mark called me pretentious so I slapped him with my silk handkerchief."
"Hipsters liked the other side of the pillow before it was cool."