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Joke of the Day

"Why does a man name his penis? Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions."

"Did you hear about the girl who resembles a rat? She comes from verminy"

"ok so, imagine star wars but instead of space it's brooklyn n uh instead of cool space guys, it's lena dunham complaining about stuff"

"My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with karaoke. I said ""Fine, go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, because your not welcome anymore...."""

"So there're these two fish in a tank... and the one fish turns to the other and says, ""Hey man, do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Noah had a younger brother called Rick who just built a speedboat and saved 9 cheetahs"

"wife: know what today is? me: yep wife: on 2 together: 1, 2 wife: Happy Anniver.. me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL.. wife:..sary me: wife: me: ..Santa"

"When do we need airplane noises? NEEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWW"

"cops shutting down my giant SLIP N' SLIDE again because the traffic on the highway needs to get around us I guess"

"How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone? You get a frizzy signal!"