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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between autumn and fall? The twin towers didn't autumn"

"*returns tent to Target* CASHIER: What was the problem? ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent"

"Massive victory for business ethics advocates! After years of negotiation and hard work, an industry-wide agreement has finally banned opticians from using contracts containing small print."

"Did you hear about the party thief? I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake."

"I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes."

"Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is."

"Did you hear about the baby born with no eyelids? They used his circumcised foreskin to surgically replace his eyelids. The surgery was a success although he is a little Cock-eyed"

"Took my wife to the doctor today, to try and get her tourettes sorted Turns out that she doesn't have it, and I am actually a cunt and she wants me to fuck off"

"6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU 8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass."

"*pulls up pants* Oh, you said ANNUAL review. Well, this is embarrassing. But just for reference, how'd I do?"