31207

Joke of the Day

"I tried putting my cat on a diet once, but she's still fat... I guess it just didn't work out"

"The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians."

"*horror movie ""The calls are coming from inside the house!"" ""Can you find out from where? I want some chips but I'm too lazy to get up."""

"I just bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"Maybe the Mayans were talking about hockey"

"My mom says that you are what you eat. That's strange, because I haven't eaten any sexy beast recently..."

"So I was having sex the other day... I thought I was doing a great job because her toes kept curling, then I realized she was still wearing panty-hose..."

"Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy? Cause shes terrible."

"What quality was the wine that Jesus made ? Bloody good."

"Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.nnnI gave her all my wrinkled shirts.nnnAnd that's how the fight started."