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Joke of the Day

"Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy? Cause shes terrible."

"My girlfriend's father called me a pedophile just because she's 22 and I'm 36. Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary."

"Whats the Difference Between AWD & 4x4? Your sexuality."

"The Mets got Royally screwed...."

"What do you call a Blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant."

"Someone stole all the toilets from my local police station... The police have nothing to go on."

"If I'm ever in a coma, don't try to wake me. I'm doing what I love."

"Do you know what i did the first time i got a boner? Went outside. I didn't know how big it would get."

"Getting married next week I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter."

"What's 10 foot long and stinks of piss? Old folk doing the conga."