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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.nnnI gave her all my wrinkled shirts.nnnAnd that's how the fight started."

"""A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend."""

"[about to message girl he likes] Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid. Brain: OR"

"I wouldn't last 5 minutes in prison what with my milky skin and Glee themed tattoos."

"What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times? Worse case of suicide he's ever seen"

"actualy the childrens story ""the three litle pigs"" is the first documented report of a wolf WHO CAN BREATHE HURICANES"

"[speed dating] DATE: ding ME: did u just make the ding sound with ur mouth DATE: no ME: we have 4 minutes left DATE: *louder this time* ding"

"Damn girl you like ice Tea Like Mr. T but cooler"

"I have something witty to say Something witty"

"I bet ducks would love bananas if they knew about bananas."