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Joke of the Day

"I don't always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic."

"BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia... Hold on, lets rephrase that: ""Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"""

"I need all zombie jokes you know, Reddit."

"Sanders is blaming Trump for violence at his rally... because you can't truly be a National Socialist until you can excuse your brownshirts violence."

"Just watched 3 people jogging outside and it has inspired me to get up and close the blinds."

"Doctor Doctor I've a split personality Well you'd better both sit down then!"

"One pirate kicks a second pirate in the knee... The second pirate says ""Arr!! Me knee!"" (meanie)"

"Why don't you see blind people skydiving? Because it scares the fuck out of the guide dogs."

"Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn't mean bottle."

"Me. *Throws coat over a puddle* Her. ""WTF are you doing with my coat?"""