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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face."

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"American beer is like making love in a canoe it's fucking close to water *Monty Python, Live at the Hollywood Bowl*"
"You wanna read a joke? My internet points"
"TIFU by downloading different captions Whoops, wrong sub."
"you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties"
"Just been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't ""Ta-Daa!"""
"I'm really upset that Vine is getting shut down, because I won't be able to use the phrase, ""do it for the Vine"" anymore... ""Do it or I'll fucking kill you"" just doesn't have the same ring to it."
"How many reporters does it take to get a headline with ISIS?"
"Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly."
"I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off."
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