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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by downloading different captions Whoops, wrong sub."

"What do you do when you see an enemy with half a face? Reload and shoot again!"

"I used to have a dog named Ass. RIP Ass"

"[job interview] ""What's your greatest weakness?"" I'm always hungry ""That's not what I-"" *takes out a cake* Also, I don't like to share"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The aristocrats."

"My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party."

"Mary was in the prophet making business"

"The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience."

"Whats the difference between a zit and a priest? (My 17 year old camper just said this, made me cringe) A zit waits till you're a teenager to come on your face."

"I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It's really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!"