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Joke of the Day

"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""

"What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside ? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !"

"Why do 95% of black males like sex in the shower? The other 5% aren't in jail."

"If I ever met the man who came up with the idea of lobotomies, I'd give him a piece of my mind."

"A woman with a strong accent walks into a bar. Going in to order a drink, she asks for a beer. The bartender says ""Anheizer Busch?"" The woman says: ""Good! And how's your prick?"""

"What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish."

"What do you call a Whore that was shot by a sniper? 360 hoscope"

"I spilled spot-remover on my dog... ...and now he's gone. :("

"What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside."

"It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100."