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Joke of the Day

"My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg."

"The US Census Bureau is known for kicking ass And taking names."

"Accidentally fell asleep at my grandmas funeral Wouldn't you know, I woke up with mourningwood."

"What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in? Your in 8."

"I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason."

"My penis is so big... ...if I laid it out on my computer keyboard, it would go all the way from A to Z."

"Where do epileptics get pizza? Little Seizures."

"Like Bjork always says, ""When life gives you lemons, giggle in childish wonder as they confide in you their citrusy secrets."""

"I think I'm gonna make a bracelet that supports getting rid of bracelets that support stuff."

"Growing up in a household dominated by females, you learn: 1. The importance of listening 2. 101 euphemisms for ""the monthly visitor"""