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Joke of the Day

"Growing up in a household dominated by females, you learn: 1. The importance of listening 2. 101 euphemisms for ""the monthly visitor"""

"Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels? Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!"

"Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen."

"If you're getting annoyed, you might throw up your hands out of frustration. If you're a cannibal, you might throw up someone else's hands out of your stomach."

"In bed my wife calls my Jimmy John's. I cum freaky fast."

"What's the KKK's favorite Christmas song? White Christmas."

"What did one cell say to its sister cell when she stepped on him? ""Mitosis !"""

"If Oedipus was alive today he would've killed his mother for nagging and moved to California and married his father."

"Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you're working."

"What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats? Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back."