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Joke of the Day

"What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in? Your in 8."

"My right eye wouldn't stop weeping all day until I said BE A MAN YOU FREAK and now it's just drinking beer to hide it's feelings"

"People are asking if capes are welcome at #ScienceMarch - yes - but please think of the aerodynamics if it happens to be windy!"

"What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison."

"Harry: Want to see a magic trick? Voldemort: Let's see what you got Potter. Harry: Got your nose! Voldemort: You know I hate that game."

"Thinking about implanting a magnet in my chin so I can make a badass beard of iron filings and paper clips. More attractive, yes?"

"A fun prank is to search ""buy antique dolls"" on someone's computer because then all their Facebook targeted ads are creepy dolls forever"

"A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home."

"I like my women like I like my bananas. Cold and covered in bruises."

"I'd really love to study Philosophy... But I Kant."