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Joke of the Day

"""What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription"" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*"

"Well it's taken 10 years, but I've just finished my first book.... I think I will start reading another tomorrow.."

"My grandpa used to say that dating was like doing laundry. Never mix the whites with the colors."

"My wife just got breast implants made out of oak I don't think I could do that, I think it'd hurt, wooden tit?"

"My penis is in the Guinness Book of World Records... ...I wonder how long I can keep it here until I got kicked out of the library."

"Just wrote a song about making sandwiches using tortillas. ... Well, it's more of a rap..."

"My computer just said ""Hello"" to me I think it's a Dell."

"Drugs and alcohol aren't the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?"

"I'm opening a tennis themed bar... I'm calling it ""First Come, First Served"""

"there's a pile of shoes by the door and you're looking for the pair that will be the quietest for when you leave"