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Joke of the Day

"Eternal Life And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' But lo, John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr? Trigger-Nometry"

"Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509"

"What is it called when you kill a chickpea? Hummuside"

"Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night? Because he was resisting a rest."

"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"

"Me: ""You kids aren't getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!"" Grandma: ""Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing."""

"Broke Up with my girlfriend today It's now shattered, so we'll watch something else tonight"

"I think I'll just leave my turn signal on from age 60 onward."

"I tried to download an ATV. But it was a bit Buggy."