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Joke of the Day

"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"

"Did you hear about the murder of the door maker? The police said it was an open and shut case."

"Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips? For the Halibut."

"TIFU by asking a chinese girl's number... I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She replied, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 6663629."""

"Give a man a jacket He will be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket, he will never leave the house."

"Hungary conquered Turkey... They had to change their name to Full."

"A Las Vegas joke Criss Angel"

"When people shorten words for no reason it makes me want to commit murds."

"Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No but he screamed when I bit his finger."

"[boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount"