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Joke of the Day

"The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend."

"*1st day on prozac* Me: These are awesome! What am I supposed to take tomorrow? Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops."

"What do Marge Simpson's vagina and Argentina have in common? They both got destroyed by Maggie."

"Professor X can move objects with his mind If Professor X can move objects with his mind, why can't he make his legs move??"

"Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling ""The laptop's not a touch screen,"" at my kids."

"What do you call it when Kony drinks too much? Cognac"

"Just clicked on a link to win a free iPad. Now I have AIDS. :("

"So weird that before we invented cars, if you hated someone you keyed their horse."

"While vacationing in Turkey a second time, I couldn't keep the Arabic names straight, but I saw many familiar fezzes."

"Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement In the end you ignore it all, wait for the end and click ""I agree"""