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Joke of the Day

"Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement In the end you ignore it all, wait for the end and click ""I agree"""

"What's long and hard every time you wake up? Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to."

"Hey, man. Can I get a cold one? ""Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."""

"What did Hitler do to people who didn't like his facial hair? He sent them to Stauschwitz."

"How do you spot the violent kids at the circus? They go straight for the juggler."

"Me: What kind of stupid phone you got there? Him: Windows phone Me: Oh [takes it and lobs it out the window] Yes it is"

"Are we heading in the right direction, Yoda? - ""Off-course we are"""

"I talk a lot of shit for someone who still uses their fingers to count."

"32nd rule of Fight Club is no peanut products are allowed at Fight Club"

"First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great."