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Joke of the Day

"No thanks Facebook Live, if I wanted to see people doing stupid things in real time I'd just go visit my family."

"*singing scales* Do, Re, uh... *calls Lionel Ritchie* ""Hey"" Hello! ""What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?"" Is it Mi you're looking for?"

"You can get a tiny tablecloth for a DOLLHOUSE from Pottery Barn for $18.99, or I could just come over and punch you in the face for free?"

"I'm a bad person... (NSFW) Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because the cops are just gonna beat the walls for being black."

"Well, well, well. I guess my silver letter opener isn't so ""gaudy"" now that there's a rampaging werewolf in the house, is it, Gladys?"

"Did you hear about the masochist who like cold showers? He took warm ones instead."

"Never take a cows job for granted: It's outstanding in its field."

"You know what they say about men with big feet... They have massive socks."

"I'm extremely terrified that Donald Trump might run this country..... I completely mean that."