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Joke of the Day

"I decided to put some ketchup in my eyes... ...but in Heinzsight, it wasn't a good idea."

"What do you call a snake that has been knighted? Sir Pent..."

"I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window"

"404 jokes... I just can't find the humor in them."

"How do you make soup golden? You add 24 carrots."

"I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say ""Good morning"". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed."

"If I can't stand on a counter top display at Home Depot and shit in the sink then we are truly living in a fascist society."

"Westminster Dog Show If a poor dog ever wins the Westminster Dog Show I hope at least one announcer calls it a Wags to Riches Story..."

"What is the most popular Canadian poultry restaurant? Chic-fil, eh?"

"What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast? Well, I had toast. EDIT: me and /u/Nekovivie weren't expecting you to know. cuz^you^have^a^small^dick"