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Joke of the Day

"Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing him."

"What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman? one is a superhero and the other is a command."

"Seriously guys, every 'yo momma' joke has already been done thousands of times by thousands of people.. just like yo momma!"

"What you're feeling, Republicans, is the ghost of Ted Kennedy's nuts on your chin."

"A man goes to see his doctor. Man: Doc, I need to get some birth control for my daughter. Doctor: Is she sexually active? Man: No. She just lays there like her mother."

"Who was the chicken's favorite musician? BAAAACH BACH BACH BACH"

"My son laughed at a ceiling fan for 45 minutes in case any studio execs are wondering how to reach his demographic."

"""On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge."" - my advice to new teachers"

"How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb? Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help."

"I'm a passive aggressive driver. I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one."