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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of eternity? Four blondes waiting at a four way stop."

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"Why aren't cremations given out for free? Because you have to urn them."
"What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs? Methed Up"
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be..."
"Why do some people like to date pessimists? All that salt must make them thirsty."
"What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas? Cancer."
"An ice cream truck flips over on the highway, what does it leave? A Rocky Road"
"ME: Leave me alone! You're not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton."
"*Judge raises hammer* ""I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE"" -*defendant chuckles* ""I'm already alive you MORON!"""
"If a waffle is a pancake with abs. Then is a sauage a peice of bacon with a dick? (NAF"