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Joke of the Day

"I got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, but I was just laughing hysterically at the cost of organic vegetables."

"(after bedtime) 3:DADDY COME INTO MY ROOM! Me: go to sleep. 3:YOU HAVE TO COME IN BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR YOU M: yes you can 3:NO I CAN'T"

"News: Trump inauguration met with record high temperatures. 451 degrees Fahrenheit."

"Next time you're on a date and someone asks ""Is that your boyfriend or your brother?"" smile really creepy and whisper ""Both""."

"I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts."

"Say one positive thing about your opponent Well...he does convert oxygen into carbon dioxide which helps trees grow."

"What do you call a potato that's also a sports fan? A spec-tator!"

"A man submitted a joke about alligators with ED to a pun competition... But it caiman second."

"[Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say ""tackle"", not ""tickle""."

"Pravanth the Indian wife-beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM On the dot."