29526

Joke of the Day

"I have no home. I've got no control. There's no escape. I should probably look into getting a new keyboard."

"[at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS"

"[A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank] Why do you think people hate us so much? ""Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."""

"What does a Boston terrier sound like? Bahk bahk. Wicked bahk."

"What physical trait does a shapely woman who studies statistics have? Belle curves."

"Why do white people rely on asians so much? Because without them, they'd just be cauc."

"Why DID David Cameron fuck a dead pig, anyway? The live ones wouldn't hold still."

"Looking at Facebook is a convenient way to realize you can't stand most of the people you sort of know."

"Booze Cruise I'm not afraid to die, I'm just afraid of how I'm going to die. I wanna go like my grandpa, In his sleep, not like his other 4 screaming passengers."

"[during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all"