199465

Joke of the Day

"Looking at Facebook is a convenient way to realize you can't stand most of the people you sort of know."

"Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart."

"Ever been half way through eating a horse and start to think..... I wasnt as hungry as I thought"

"A thermometer and a syringe walk into a bar... The bartender says ""look at this dude he has so many degrees!"", The syringe comes up and says ""Hah what a loser, at least I'm graduated"""

"How do the Lanisters make large beds? They put two twins together to make a king."

"*playing poker* *my opponent smirks* ""All in."" he says. *pair of aces* *I smile* *throws down a pair of Olsen twins* ""Full House."""

"How does Kanye West screw in a lightbulb? He holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him."

"I swear to god if I ever see a car exploding I'm going to walk away from it in slow-mo and hope that somebody is filming it on their iPhone."

"What do a baby and an Etch A Sketch have in common? If you don't like it, you just shake it and start over."

"What do you call a good looking girl in Wisconsin? A Tourist!"