29417

Joke of the Day

"From my 9 year old: What do you and Tatooine have in common? You both have two sons\suns."

"What would I do if Future tried talking to me? I'd autotune him out. :)"

"You know people who call their penis wood? Can they say they have a two-by-fore-skin?"

"My teenage son told me I am a resentful has-been. We had a good, hearty laugh together about that. Then i changed the WIFI password"

"What's Eric Garner's favorite song? Breathe Again- Toni Braxton"

"I listen to nothing more closely than the muffled conversation happening after someone has accidentally pocket dialed me."

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor"

"Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom"

"I love when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like all this invisible shit."

"My wife and I couldn't decide on which psychic to go and see... But we were able to come to a happy medium"