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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a hot girl with no legs? Disabled."

"My son, you were thrown out of school today for letting a girl jerk you off. Son, that's three schools this year... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

"What happens in Vegas never happens to me."

"Why couldn't the retarded man talk normally? He was trying to hold the door"

"Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia... He died last year."

"Where do baby apes sleep? Apricots."

"Note to self: in future, put stripper in novelty oversized cake AFTER baking."

"Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb."

"A copy of Mein Kampf that belonged to Hitler was sold at auction for over $20,000... to an anonymous presidential candidate."

"my japanese friend keeps calling latex gloves pentadick condoms i guess the radiation is getting to his head too"