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Joke of the Day

"Q: What did one mountain say to the other mountain after an earthquake? A: It's not my fault."

"I swear, even my ex lasted longer than my phone battery does."

"What can't you hide in a basement full of dead hookers? My erection"

"Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth!"

"Money is really tight this year... My family has decided that we are going to exchange glances for Christmas."

"They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn't mean to eat it. I don't want to be a bug."

"I brought a glue gun to a knife fight. Those knives aren't going anywhere."

"Why was the Ethiopian baby crying? It was having a mid-life crisis."

"""Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?"" ""Actually I think it was when you hit me with your car-"" ""WE GOT AN ANGEL OVER HERE!"""

"Sometimes I open my mouth and a dad joke falls out and we both just need to walk away from that and remember better times ok"