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Joke of the Day

"Money is really tight this year... My family has decided that we are going to exchange glances for Christmas."

"Today is Compliment Someone Randomly Day. And may I just say that this paper bag would go beautifully with that outfit you're wearing."

"I like my chocolate like I like my men. Rich."

"Cop: Have you been drinking or are you on any drugs? Me: Whoa, one question at a time, dude."

"Math class is like a penis... Its long and hard, unless you're asian!"

"Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? How I bought your mother"

"Apparently, the sonogram machine is to see unborn babies in the womb I thought it was for making you age 10 years. Instantly"

"A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning.... he wakes up and says to his crew, ""AYE-matey!"""

"Whoever said technology will replace paper... has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad."

"ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were made COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this"