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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I open my mouth and a dad joke falls out and we both just need to walk away from that and remember better times ok"

"Was being tested for allergies at an all-male nudist colony when the power went out... Needless to say, I felt every prick."

"My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will."

"Feminism! Q: How many feminists does it take to change a baby's diaper? A: Don't be silly, feminists can't change anything. And besides, where would they find a baby!"

"I think Adam Johnson should remain on FIFA 16 Because it means that kids will get to play with him for once"

"What did the fisherman say to the fisherwoman? Your place or mine"

"Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it."

"Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable."

"For Christmas, every year, I get my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena ."